[COMPLETE] No Remorse
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A work in progress thread for a narrative focused on our seductive friend, Evelynn. My hopes are that this will be a sort of twisted, creepy, yet fun read. I normally work with fun and happy stories, so using a character like her is going to be my own little challenge.
Once I start posting progress for the actual story, all feedback and critique you'd like to provide are more than welcome!
Draft 1 Notes
While reading through my first draft, I noticed a few spelling errors and word choices that definitely need to be fixed. In addition to that, there are a few key things I want to change to make a better draft:
Draft 2 Notes
I took the time to read through my original draft again and edited it. Spelling errors were fixed, some words were changed, and sentences that I felt weren't important were removed. Also changed sentences that seemed redundant to make the story smoother. At first, I wanted the unnamed man to be slightly angry towards his daughter's existence, but I felt like it didn't really read that way in the story. He seemed more like a jerk that randomly changed his emotions at the last second. I completely flipped his personality to be a more loving father, but still pretty... Clueless, in a sense. Also changed some of Evelynn's thoughts to better suit her! There are some things to look at:
Once I start posting progress for the actual story, all feedback and critique you'd like to provide are more than welcome!
Draft 1 Notes
While reading through my first draft, I noticed a few spelling errors and word choices that definitely need to be fixed. In addition to that, there are a few key things I want to change to make a better draft:
- Does Evelynn truly play the part of a hungry, sadistic demon, or does it feel as if she's missing key components of her personality?
- Did the unnamed man act reasonably, or was his part far too unrealistic? This question also goes for Mary. I feel like they were way too calm and lacked proper emotion for the setting/event occurring.
Draft 2 Notes
I took the time to read through my original draft again and edited it. Spelling errors were fixed, some words were changed, and sentences that I felt weren't important were removed. Also changed sentences that seemed redundant to make the story smoother. At first, I wanted the unnamed man to be slightly angry towards his daughter's existence, but I felt like it didn't really read that way in the story. He seemed more like a jerk that randomly changed his emotions at the last second. I completely flipped his personality to be a more loving father, but still pretty... Clueless, in a sense. Also changed some of Evelynn's thoughts to better suit her! There are some things to look at:
- Does Evelynn seem to be as desperate as she's intended to be, or do her actions seem to be too reserved?
- Again, does the unnamed man act reasonably in the heat of his wife's death? Should he be more fearful, more careful?
- Does Mary have enough character that you can really feel for what inevitably happens to her?
Replies
It's a hundred and four (104) words over the thousand word count. This draft had rather poor word choice anyway, so I'll be sure to revise so it adds up to only a thousand in future versions.
EDIT: The .txt and .docx were wonky, so I ended up removing them and leaving only the PDF. May Teemo have mercy on my soul.
This version is nine hundred and ninety-six (996) words, meeting the requirement of being a thousand or less.
As always, comments and critiques are welcome.