My First Short Film // Spring Cleaning

Talbot

Hey guys!

I hope everyone is having a great start to 2013!

As some of you know I'm currently in school for 3d art. Recently though I've been exploring live action film. At the end of the last semester I made my first short film called Spring Cleaning. The day I finished it, the Newtown shootings happened and knowing the content of my film I decided to wait before posting it online anywhere.

I must warn you that some of the audio is probably NSFW. Please take a moment after watching to let me know what you think. I put 5 weeks of my life into it which sounds like a lot for 3 and a half minutes but it really isn't. I had to write the script, find locations, actors, film equipment, schedule times, storyboard, costume, set design, props, editing, sound editing, color grading, etc.

So please, if you like it, share it with the people around you. Post it on those social networks. I know I have a lot to work on but I want to get my name out there.

Thank you and I hope you enjoy.
Scott Talbot

http://www.facebook.com/ScottTalbotFilm
https://twitter.com/Scott_Talbot

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PLEASE WATCH IN HD.
I don't have vimeo plus yet.

Cheathem

haha i love it.awesome job dude

trevk

I should probably keep my big mouth shut but wtf. My problem is that it's too linear. If I was your producer I'd want it re-cut. It should begin with the guy bumping into his neighbours then, at the mention of spring cleaning, start intercutting the bathroom footage so that you don't see the girl in the tub and the blood splatter till he's walking away with a smile on his face. Not only is it more filmic, it's more creative.

On the plus side, everything else is in place, a nice cast, and well shot. But what's more important than audio, HD and just about anything else you care to mention is story and the way it's presented.

That said, thumbs up, Scott! Good job! Ping me with developments.

AlexCatMasterSupreme

Did she live?

Bek

Interesting film. The audio from 2:17 onwards (the outside scenes) was a little distracting because of the quality differences, and at 2:50 it's slightly distracting having the main character's head cut out of the frame (rule of thirds etc). Other than those little nitpicks, cool film, hope you get time to make some more!

Andreas

Messed up and very enjoyable, a mix I frequently enjoy in small doses. Awesome, good work!

Talbot

Thanks guys! Yeah shooting it was tougher than I thought. The first time the curtain opened and she started screaming I literally lost my balance and fell over.

For this project I wanted to create a feeling. In hindsight, figuring this out was perfect and really helped but honestly I had no idea what I was doing. I wanted to create that feeling where you are aware of your heartbeat. Some might think that's easy but when you think about it, you're talking about implanting a very specific feeling into someone when they watch your film. It's very easy to miss. Anyway I thought also about what I didn't want. I didn't want people feeling sick or for the most part scared. I wanted people to realize something big is about to happen that isn't good, but want to "open the door" and see what it is. Then at the end sort of forget what you just watched.

Anyway, I haven't decided what I want to do next. But I'll probably take the same approach. It was very easy to make decisions like color and camera angles.

Bek wrote: »

Interesting film. The audio from 2:17 onwards (the outside scenes) was a little distracting because of the quality differences, and at 2:50 it's slightly distracting having the main character's head cut out of the frame (rule of thirds etc). Other than those little nitpicks, cool film, hope you get time to make some more!

Yeah the second half is rough. And anyone who knows me can tell you that it is hard for me to show something that I know is wrong. I spent a lot of time trying to fix the audio and shakyness of the second half. But at some point I just had to say I did my best. I played with ideas without using the neighbors but it just ended up way too dark. And I'm realizing now that a lot of my "friends" were shocked by how dark this version was. But I kept it in to show that creatively I was going in the right direction. Even if I didn't nail the technical side, I can still get better with that.


Thanks again guys!

slipsius

great first film, dude!! seriously!

Though, for the future, there are some things you need to think about. You break the 180 degree rule. When he first pulls the curtain back, shes in the left corner, pulling the curtain open to his right. but then when he shuts it, shes in the right corner, and he pulls it shut, again to his right. it was distracting. Im guessing that was done because of space in the bathroom. you couldnt get the angle you wanted due to space, but ya. something to watch for.

Also, the knife he used is a chefs knife. in no way, shape or form is it the type of knife you stab people with.... its all about the details, man!


But again, great first film!

Talbot

Thanks man!

I actually don't break the line of action. The reveal shot of her in the tub is shot through the mirror. And also I don't think that would classify as breaking the line of action. More of a continuity issue. I was worried someone might not realize that but so far you are the first one out of dozens. :P

And yeah the knife was lack of money lol. What I wanted really was a butcher knife. Or chainsaw....

slipsius

ya, i guess its not breaking the line. it just feels off. I think its the angle you choose. I think after the reveal, it might work better if there was more of an establishing shot of her in the corner, shot closer to the guy looking back at her, rather than a close up right beside her. cause before the hallway shot, its hard to tell.

Talbot

Yeah I know what you mean. I needed that doorway shot in multiple places.

Dan!

Well done. Clean looking etc. I mulled this one over to get a grasp on what was bugging me about it however and I agree about re cutting it. I think it mostly lacked tension and empathy and I think the closure fell short. The beginning shots have the look of a normal day. This IMO would have been a good place for some juxtaposition with audio- almost cheerful music or just everyday sound cues. That way as you begin to reveal more of the tools etc, it's more of a "what a nice day for cleaning....hey whys this seemingly normal dude grabbing bleach and a hacksaw and.....oh no". I think his toolkit was also a bit weak. The knife reveal IMO could have been more unsettling had it been something crazy as hell like some pliers, hypodermic needles,sharp daggery knife, hacksaw. That kind of crap that puts REALLY unsettling images in a viewers head without any violent shots whatsoever. Also I think the camera could have moved away from the bathroom down the hall as the villain shuts the door, closing the scene. that would be a good time to fade to black and move outside to the neighbors meet up where you can cut in shots from the victims point of view or whatever.

my 2 cents.

Talbot

Dan! wrote: »

Well done. Clean looking etc. I mulled this one over to get a grasp on what was bugging me about it however and I agree about re cutting it. I think it mostly lacked tension and empathy and I think the closure fell short. The beginning shots have the look of a normal day. This IMO would have been a good place for some juxtaposition with audio- almost cheerful music or just everyday sound cues. That way as you begin to reveal more of the tools etc, it's more of a "what a nice day for cleaning....hey whys this seemingly normal dude grabbing bleach and a hacksaw and.....oh no". I think his toolkit was also a bit weak. The knife reveal IMO could have been more unsettling had it been something crazy as hell like some pliers, hypodermic needles,sharp daggery knife, hacksaw. That kind of crap that puts REALLY unsettling images in a viewers head without any violent shots whatsoever. Also I think the camera could have moved away from the bathroom down the hall as the villain shuts the door, closing the scene. that would be a good time to fade to black and move outside to the neighbors meet up where you can cut in shots from the victims point of view or whatever.

my 2 cents.

Yeah I understand what you are saying. The props definitely need work.

The dolly shot I did both ways actually and with the music it worked a lot better pushing forward.

Everything else you mentioned I could see working but it's sort of creative view stuff.

Thanks!