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It gets better

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poopinmymouth polycounter lvl 19
Some of you might have heard of the rash of suicides as a result of homophobic bullying in the US this past month. Dan Savage, an advice columnist had this to say. (he's much more eloquent than I)
DanSavage wrote:
The Make It Better Project
http://makeitbetterproject.com

*****WHAT IS THIS ALL ABOUT?******

From Dan's column about Billy Lucas:

"Billy Lucas was just 15 when he hanged himself in a barn on his grandmother's property. He reportedly endured intense bullying at the hands of his classmates—classmates who called him a fag and told him to kill himself. His mother found his body.... I wish I could have talked to this kid for five minutes. I wish I could have told Billy that it gets better. I wish I could have told him that, however bad things were, however isolated and alone he was, it gets better.

"But gay adults aren't allowed to talk to these kids. Schools and churches don't bring us in to talk to teenagers who are being bullied. Many of these kids have homophobic parents who believe that they can prevent their gay children from growing up to be gay—or from ever coming out—by depriving them of information, resources, and positive role models.

"Why are we waiting for permission to talk to these kids? We have the ability to talk directly to them right now. We don't have to wait for permission to let them know that it gets better. We can reach these kids."

Read Dan's entire column here:

http://tinyurl.com/3xmu4le


I decided to join thousands of others and make a video explaining how things got better for me after leaving high school.

[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=40DAWjvFXnI&feature=player_embedded[/ame]

I'd ask that this not turn into a pain olympics of trying to compare generic bullying because of glasses/weight/nerdiness etc. This topic is specifically for spreading awareness about anti-gay bullying, in response to current events.

Replies

  • dingle shingle
    Touching post man, any "light at the end of the tunnel" that can be offered to people in those circumstances is worth the effort a thousand-fold. Keep up the good work!
  • Skamberin
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    Skamberin polycounter lvl 13
    Great stuff, not only is this a message all distraught young gay people should take to heart, but anyone going through a hard time because of who they are, everything gets better, just never give up.

    It's shameful to live in a world where something as harmless as homosexuality can lead to suicide and murder. But as time passes, acceptance will eventually be more spread than fear.
    For the moment I'm glad I live in a country that accepts homosexuality. While not treated 100% equal to straight people (there are still issues with giving blood for instance) it's still moving forward and from what I've seen it won't be long before everyone is treated the same.

    I may not be gay myself, but many of my friends are gay and it breaks my heart to see how they can't be themselves because of fear of others. I hope recent events will be the final push towards full acceptance. Some countries have already started, it's about time the rest follow suit.
  • vahl
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    vahl polycounter lvl 18
    cool video dude, good positive speech too
  • danshewan
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    danshewan polycounter lvl 8
    Awesome video, Ben - let's hope the campaign gathers some momentum and raises awareness of the issue. I've been a Dan Savage fan for years, and couldn't think of anyone better to spearhead the campaign.
  • Jeremy Lindstrom
  • Lamont
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    Lamont polycounter lvl 15
    Nice video. And should be applicable to anyone gay or "straight".
  • Tom Ellis
    Great stuff and a worthy cause for sure.
  • MegaMoogle
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    MegaMoogle polycounter lvl 9
    That's such a great cause, and I'm glad you're a part of it! Wonderful video.
  • bounchfx
    people look for any reason at all to find fault and cast out others, it's sickening. There's no reason at all people should treat anyone any different than they would want to be treated themselves. What bearing on them does it have if someones sexual preference differs from their own? and with the knowledge and resources we have today this should be a non-issue but apparently people still like living completely ignorant lives when it comes to things like this.

    good on you to aid them with this, Ben. hopefully this kind of shit stops soon.
  • Mark Dygert
    Awesome, I hope this is a turning point, like I thought society had a long time ago... it's sad to see society devolving. Bigotry, injustice, bulling? Are these the good ol family values everyone is talking about "bringing back"? Seems like a giant leap backwards to me. Fuck I can't stand election years when the hate machine is in full swing.

    It's sad that the message has to be "it gets better, you just need to endure a little longer" why should anyone be forced to endure that BS?
  • eld
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    eld polycounter lvl 18
    great video Ben!
  • HntrLuc
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    HntrLuc polycounter lvl 18
    Really nice message man!
  • JDinges
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    JDinges polycounter lvl 18
    Well done, Ben.

    Respect.
  • Joseph Silverman
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    Joseph Silverman polycounter lvl 17
    vahl wrote: »
    cool video dude, good positive speech too

    2nded
  • MRico
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    MRico polycounter lvl 10
    Great video, Ben!
  • jakelear
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    jakelear polycounter lvl 14
    Touching speech man. This seems like such a great project. I hope it continues to gain momentum.

    As a side question, if you don't mind, where were you from in VA?
  • poopinmymouth
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    poopinmymouth polycounter lvl 19
    jakelear wrote: »
    Touching speech man. This seems like such a great project. I hope it continues to gain momentum.

    As a side question, if you don't mind, where were you from in VA?

    Richmond.
  • fearian
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    fearian greentooth
    Really great project to support! It always seems like such a waste when you hear of a kid killing themselves over bullying. (For whatever reason!)

    Just thinking out loud, you didn't ever consider ending your video, straight faced with 'I'm Ben Mathis, of POOP IN MY MOUTH DOT COM.'

    Sorry, not a thread for jokes..


    edit: where did you record it by the way, It looked so well done I thought it might have been done by the project!
  • b1ll
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    b1ll polycounter lvl 18
  • adam
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    adam polycounter lvl 19
  • poopinmymouth
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    poopinmymouth polycounter lvl 19
    fearian wrote: »
    Really great project to support! It always seems like such a waste when you hear of a kid killing themselves over bullying. (For whatever reason!)

    Just thinking out loud, you didn't ever consider ending your video, straight faced with 'I'm Ben Mathis, of POOP IN MY MOUTH DOT COM.'

    Sorry, not a thread for jokes..


    edit: where did you record it by the way, It looked so well done I thought it might have been done by the project!

    Hah, well the project is just a thought exercise by Dan Savage, there is no organization or money or studio. It was actually my first time recording video. I borrowed a friend's canon 7D, stuck my 85mm 1.8, and used my studio flashes modeling lights into a small silver umbrella for the main light, and a gridded reflector for the hair/edge light. I had to have my husband prefocus it, and then try to guess if I was in the frame and in focus (which is why there are many times I am neither).

    Glad it's garnering such a positive response, I wish I could have seen something like this a long time ago, and hopefully with all these messages out on the "tubes" it will be viewed by those who need it most. Like someone said, it's a shame it's needed at all.
  • Wells
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    Wells polycounter lvl 18
    really nice, ben.
  • jakelear
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    jakelear polycounter lvl 14
    If you live in the U.S. you can urge your representative to suport the Student Non-Discrimination Act.

    https://secure.aclu.org/site/Advocacy?pagename=homepage&id=1937&page=UserAction
  • Rwolf
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    Rwolf polycounter lvl 18
  • ENODMI
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    ENODMI polycounter lvl 14
    :thumbup::thumbup:
  • Avanthera
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    Avanthera polycounter lvl 10
    Great video Ben!
    More power to ya! :)
  • arrangemonk
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    arrangemonk polycounter lvl 15
    i have a horror of gay people
    but thats because some aids guy hung around in my house because of my aunt, and stole our spirits and cloths and a bike

    even thouh he was just a rotten to the core asshole, he completely ruined my sight of gay people and i think i cannot get healed from that fear, i even developped a ablutomania, and some other irrational phobias because of that guy

    so if you are gay and hang around munich and see someone passing out, its probably me getting a anxiety attack.
  • Shogun3d
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    Shogun3d polycounter lvl 12
    Nicely done Ben, there are definitely a lot of kids out there suffering issues of esteem and confidence. High school is definitely a make it or break it scenario. Your reaching out, is admirable.
  • cochtl
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    cochtl polycounter lvl 18
    Good move man! I always found you to be the positive force bringing people's spirits up in practically any situation. Kids have to go through some tough and oftentimes dumb shit just to define themselves from typical societal norms in school. All I got to say is more power to you and your support of kids wanting to be themselves and gain individuality, confidence and self respect in the process!
  • Eric Chadwick
    Ben, great to see this. This is a really good thing.
  • fill3r
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    fill3r polycounter lvl 12
    Nice video reposted this.
  • XenoKratios
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    XenoKratios polycounter lvl 12
    Hmmm I think it's good to tell them "it's going to get better" but i would rather tell them to have some self confidence and stand up for yourself...

    If your born you already had enough power to win among 1000 other sperm... so if you think you can't do anything, you need to gain some confidence...

    I have been through something similar, racism is HUGE in north america, especially in Canada.. so it wasn't easy to fit in, but if someone made fun of me, I did the same back, usually out smarting them and stopping them from any further comebacks, I learned this after all the abuse... can't just stand there in a group of "friends" and take the abuse, this is how I became more confident..

    Iunno just my thoughts..

    also if your gay, try not to flaunt it... our world isn't going to accept it in a second... it has taken years to get this far, and will take a few more till it becomes "normal"
  • xvampire
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    xvampire polycounter lvl 14
    it would get better if i could show my face and make speech in wild wild net youtube



    salute :) poop
  • Vrav
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    Vrav polycounter lvl 11
    Props for all this positive stuff.
  • HonkyPunch
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    HonkyPunch polycounter lvl 18
    My brother had to deal with some shit in high school, and I still worry about him while he's in college but he's a strong and intelligent person, so I'm sure he'll do well.
    I don't really understand why some people are the way they are about these kinds of things. It's never made sense to me, not even when I was a child. And it's childish. It's childish to hate or hurt someone for what they are, and who they love. It's not right, and it never will be in any light.
    Props to Mr.Mathis, and I hope everything gets better.
    For everyone.
  • JasonLavoie
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    JasonLavoie polycounter lvl 18
    I shared this on facebook Ben, it's really awesome that you took the time to do this, I know this video, and the many others that are coming out will really help paint a better picture for those who are going through this in High school... and honestly, there is great advice for everyone in these videos.

    Awesome work again Ben, you get +1 mill to your epic meter.
  • ZacD
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    ZacD ngon master
    Bullying is high school can be though for a lot of kids, I know I hard time "coming out" of the closet in highschool, I didn't want to be labeled "the gay kid" I'm not your typical gay guy, I don't have a lot of "fag hags" and I dont like shopping, I don't listen to Lady Gaga or techno dance, being gay is part of who I am, but it doesn't define me. I just think it was struggle to figure who I am, what I think, and what I believe.

    One of my best friends had a friend of his commit suicide, no body suspected it, those are the people that suffer the most and are most likely to do it. I don't care if your gay/straight/fat/skinny/tall/short/rehead/blond/Jewish/Muslim/black/white etc etc, any kid can be bullied and all high school bullying should be taken seriously.
  • Gav
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    Gav quad damage
    Whoa, wait, redheads? C'mon, Zac, you gotta draw the line somewhere.

    Nice post Ben, very responsible of you.
  • Mezz
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    Mezz polycounter lvl 8
    Amazing cause, amazing video. This is a really nice message, even if it is sad that's its needed at all.

    My brother didn't come out til after highschool, so he didn't have to deal with this, but we both went to a religious high school and another of his friends DID come out while still there. It was a pretty big deal for him, he even went so far as to get up on the cafeteria table one day and shout, "I'M GAY!!" for as many people to hear him as possible. I believe he wanted people to stop keeping their heads in the sand that 'one of them' could be 'this way'.

    Sad thing is, a couple years later one of my biggoted teachers brought up this guy specifically in class, and not in a very nice way (I was a couple grades behind). Imagine that, having to deal with hate from your classmates AND the teachers...
  • Bigjohn
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    Bigjohn polycounter lvl 11
    Great video. Sounds like it may be useful to a lot of people.

    What I find interesting is that high-school seems to be the cut-off point. Like before it you're not accepted, and after it things get better. Gotta wonder why that is. But what I'm curious about is if, from a bullied minority's perspective, the It Gets Better message applies to the people outside of that minority group?

    It seems like it gets better in the sense that you find other similar people to be with. Like if you're gay, you find other gay people. But what about the non-gay people? Do you find that they're more tolerant after highschool compared to before?

    And I also wonder if that change is because of the age of people in highschool, or society in general changing? For some of us it's been 15 years or more since highschool. Maybe society has changed since then. But it could just be an age thing.
  • sprunghunt
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    sprunghunt polycounter
    Bigjohn wrote: »
    And I also wonder if that change is because of the age of people in highschool, or society in general changing? For some of us it's been 15 years or more since highschool. Maybe society has changed since then. But it could just be an age thing.

    I think it is mostly because in school you have no choice but to be around your classmates. So if you don't fit in for any reason your life sucks.

    But in adult life you can leave the jerks behind and go find some people you do fit in with.
  • Astrofra
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    Astrofra polycounter lvl 15
    I love the vertical frame, the "letter to your future self" format, and the message.
  • BradMyers82
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    BradMyers82 interpolator
    Glad your taking action Ben! Lot of people talk about making change but never actually do anything about it. Serious props for your efforts with this!
  • ebagg
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    ebagg polycounter lvl 17
    Great message Ben, it's good to see this getting exposure and sad to see so many teens feeling the need to end their lives over this or any other reason. I know there was plenty of bullying in my high school, even when a gay pride club was formed and recognized by the school. In general teens need to stop feeling like their social lives in high school are worth killing themselves over.
  • cholden
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    cholden polycounter lvl 18
    b1ll wrote: »
    Kinda gay ^_^

    I almost cried laughing. j/k, I cried.
  • Christian Hjerpe
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    Christian Hjerpe polycounter lvl 11
    Great vid Ben! I wish I had more hands so I could give this video 4 thumbs up!
  • Chunkey
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    Chunkey polycounter lvl 19
    Brilliant vid Ben, even if it gets through to just one person then it's made a difference mate.
  • d1ver
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    d1ver polycounter lvl 14
    Great video, Ben! I thought I couldn't respect you more, but hell, I can.
  • felipefrango
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    felipefrango polycounter lvl 9
    d1ver wrote: »
    Great video, Ben! I thought I couldn't respect you more, but hell, I can.

    This. Kudos for making the video, I'm not gay but I've been bullied plenty at school so I know how it is, although admitedly on a smaller scale.
  • Grey
    Im so glad this "It gets better project" is happening. I am sure it will help out some of these kids. Props to you Ben for taking the time to do this video!
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