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Movie theatre jerks.

polycounter lvl 18
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sinistergfx polycounter lvl 18
I'm sure this has been covered before, but let's have a vent. Kind of in a hurry writing this, so it will probably have a hard to understand writing style.


Movie theatre jerks:

1) - Dumbass Parent With a Baby - WHY bring an infant to the movies? Even if it's a kid's movie, an infant isn't going to get anything out of it. Bringing a baby to a loud scary movie like Batman Begins can't be good for it.

Can't find/afford a babysitter? Fine. Stay home. I would. Go rent a DVD if you have to.

Some parents at least take the baby out to the lobby if it starts crying. Most jerks don't.

I turn off my cell phone so I don't bother you, don't bring your baby to bother everyone else.


2) - "Funny" Guy - The guy who has to make "clever" comments all the time and talk to the screen to impress his friends/himself. I came to watch and enjoy the movie, not to listen to your self-centered, attention-whoring ass.


3) - Mr/Mrs Cell Phone - No explanation needed.


4) - Just Plain Dumb Parent - Brings kids to movies that are totally innapropriate for them and are shocked about it. Like bringing a bunch of under 10 year olds to see Team America. "Oh, it's rated R? But it's got puppets! KIDS MOVIE!" The really smart ones don't even leave until after the credits roll. I'm sure the kids got some good mileage out of that theme song.


Mostly, movie theatre jerks boil down to being self-centered assholes who have no consideration for others. Voluntary ignorance is also a big factor (see Just Plain Dumb Parent).

People like this really make me not want to go out to the movies anymore. But why should I change? They're the ones that suck. :P

Despite encountering 1 & 2 last night, I highly enjoyed Batman Begins. Feel free to share any of your favorite movie theatre jerk encounters.

Replies

  • JO420
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    JO420 polycounter lvl 18
    how about

    1. Bitch who is scared of everything and yells at everything. loud too

    2. guy who laughs at everything and way too loud,laughs at commercials,music,everything and always way too loud

    3.damn teenagers who talk on their cell,run around and basiclly do everything except watch the movie

    4.people with laser pointers

    5.infants


    i sae batman begins and on the second time i had god damn teenagers who wouldnt shut the hell up
  • Paul Jaquays
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    Paul Jaquays polycounter lvl 18
    1. Taking very small kids out anywhere is a crapshoot (no pun intended). You never know when something is going to set them off and the day will be blown. On the other hand, I've experienced the same thing with teenagers in tow also. The infancy of the home video rental business and the infancy of my children coincided. Thank Heaven for video rental.

    2. Some people just miss MST3K in their lives and need to live it out themselves. Again, rent the movie and comment to your heart's delight in the privacy your own home theatre.

    3. Let's add a new cell phone irritation to the mix. People who turn their cell's sound off ... but still constantly flip it open to check for calls or messages. Last movie I watched, I was surrounded by little blue squares of light that popped on and off in my field of view. Set the damn thing to vibrate people!!!!

    4. These are likely the same people who take their children to the grocery store at 11:00 PM, smoke while they pump gas, apply eye makeup while driving, and talk on the cell phone while driving without a hands free set.

    Other movie-goer peeves ...

    32 oz drink ... 8 oz bladder. Need I say more?

    Pre-teen night at the movies. This is the bane of the local theatre in my suburban town. Giggling hordes of 7th-9th graders out on group dates, dropped off at the theatre by mom and dad to be picked up later on at TCBY next door. I solved this by never going to that theatre again.

    Seat kicker. His feet don't reach the floor, so he's free to kick the seat in front of him ... usually yours.
  • ElysiumGX
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    ElysiumGX polycounter lvl 18
    1. Guy who makes a hobby out of taking a small tin can full of nuts and bolts into theater, and "accidently" drops it during specific scenes.

    2 Guy who not only brings his cellphone into the theater turned on, but decides not to answer it.
  • sinistergfx
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    sinistergfx polycounter lvl 18
    The only solution is vote-kicking and big burly bouncers.

    Also, a strict no-baby policy/baby-specific movie watching times.

    Definitely should have a no-baby policy for especially loud/scary/violent movies, it can't be good for them at such a young age.

    EDIT: Forgot another one.
    5) - The "Pyschic" Guy - Absolutely always has to "predict" what's going to happen next, especially if it's the most obvious/predictable thing ever. I'm talking about you, Dad.
    :P


    I really don't understand the people who always have to check their phone/take calls. Can't you go a couple hours without bring controlled by your phone? Relax, and enjoy the movie instead. You've got the whole rest of the day to be your cell phone's bitch.
  • Chub_e
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    Chub_e polycounter lvl 18
    I had this lady eat a huge garlic smelling pickle sitting next to me in lord of the rings...I couldnt move cause the theatre was packed..and she sat there and slurped and nursed the thing for the whole movie
  • Creamy_Goodness
  • pogonip
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    pogonip polycounter lvl 18
    I dunno if I am just a hardass but a long time ago I started threatning people with violence if they did'nt " shut up and watch the movie " " turn off your f-ing cell phone or i'll shove it up your @ss " ..etc etc.. never had anyone take it to the next level ....I usually only say anything if it keeps going on and on and I know it's not going to stop .

    1: The one that makes me nearly fly off the handle almost everytime is the guy who bumps your seat over and over and over in the movie keeps kicking the seat with no regarde to if it's bothering me . Ohh and one guy who kicked his feet up on the back of my chair like a foot rest ..me and my friend tony who is huge just stood up like we were gonna rip his legs off and that was the end of that .

    2: The lady who has to take a piss 5-10 times during the movie and decides to sit in the middle of the row . She gives you the polite " im sorry..im really sorry " but you know if she was sorry she would have sit in the ailes seat

    3: The group of friends who arn't even kids that decide they are going to annalize the movie and make fun and joke around right behind you in whisper voices just loud enough that you miss half of what is being said on the screen . I swear they have road rage but it's hard to believe sometimes there isn't mote theatre rage .

    My friend was a manager at a theatre and he actually told me that they kick the AC up so it's cold as hell in the theatre because cold air makes people less violent ..ha I always wondered why it always got freaking freezing during action/violent movies
  • KDR_11k
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    KDR_11k polycounter lvl 18
    You forgot my sister who lists as one of the benefits of a cinema "You can throw popcorn at other people!". She's kinda like the woman who got stabbed in the cinema by the entire audience in Scary Movie.

    Oh, and my dad who always asks questions about the happenings on the screen that weren't explained in the movie (yet) and expects me to be the psychic who can predict what the bad guy's plan was or something. Also he gets angry very easily and talks pretty loud.

    I myself have this annoying urge to comment sometimes. Happens rarely and I'm trying to keep as quiet as possible (and make sure nothing important is going on in the movie) but I doubt the people next to me like it. I'm trying to work on it, I'm sure that's another habit (not quite as bad as the bad jokes but my dad makes even worse ones) I inherited from my dad.

    pogonip: You haven't been in a cold cinema until you've been there during winter with a broken heating system.
  • ScoobyDoofus
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    ScoobyDoofus polycounter lvl 19
    [ QUOTE ]

    2. guy who laughs at everything and way too loud,laughs at commercials,music,everything and always way too loud

    [/ QUOTE ]

    Those of use who have seen a movie with Poop know this all too well... laugh.gif
  • MoP
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    MoP polycounter lvl 18
    My dad has a habit of talking at key scenes, then having to ask what the character just said (usually something important) , because he was talking over the movie... :P
  • Justin Meisse
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    Justin Meisse polycounter lvl 18
    I had a fun encounter at the theater yesterday. I'm a pretty tall guy so I'm used to the people in front of me leaning their seats back and hitting my legs, I just live with it. Well, when Batman was over this old guy turns around says "you sir, are very disturbing" I kind of laughed and said "excuse me?", he then flies into a rage and accuses me of coughing during the whole movie (actually it was an old guy two seats down coughing) and kicking his seat; he grabs the seat and slams it into my legs a few times for emphasis. Luckily my mom was with me and she held me back from chasing the guy down.
  • oXYnary
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    oXYnary polycounter lvl 18
    [ QUOTE ]
    2. guy who laughs at everything and way too loud,laughs at commercials,music,everything and always way too loud
    [ QUOTE ]
    laughing too loud at the rest of the world
    with the boys in the crowd
    you hide hide hide
    behind petrified eyes

    [/ QUOTE ]

    [/ QUOTE ]

    Wasnt a guy but a woman who was like this during Batman Begins.
  • Rhinokey
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    Rhinokey polycounter lvl 18
    i've had more horrible theater experiences here in virginia than anywhere ouse, it took me 3 attempts to sit thru the grudge, i kept walking out because of REALY REALLY REALLY loud and anoying audiances,, you can't IMAGINE how loud and annoying.. i'm serrious.. just try and fucking immagineit.. you CAN'T.

    when i was in portland i went an saw a movie with shine.. can't rember what exactly it was.. but the theater was packed, and the 2 empty seats we found had this thug gangsta looking punk behind it with his feet propped up on the back of the chair i had to sit in, i asked him to move his feet and he just ignored me, so i pushed his seat off and sat down while he muttered soemthing, a bit into the movie he starting kicking my seat so i turned and firmly asked him to stop, and he told me his feet were there first, so i asked him did his feet have a ticket, a bit later he kicked again and i stood up and firly told him not to fucking kick my seat again, he muttered a bit but i had no other problem, shine thought i was going to get us shot or something, he was a bit nervous walking back from the movie,

    then with a buncha of the liquid guys at a difrent theater we saw "the hulk" and there was a group ok teens behind us started kicking the seat, more of a nervous foot tapping i think, and i turned and asked them to stop and htey just apologized, and no more from them. it was weird cause i almost expected another repeat of the seat kicking incident.

    but yeah when i go to watch movies, i usualy like silence.
  • steady
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    steady polycounter lvl 18
  • KDR_11k
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    KDR_11k polycounter lvl 18
    Slightly OT: I hate those idiots who decide to organize a fucking party at 22:00 or later in front of my window. And those ignorant fucks who smoke like a fucking bonfire in front of my window. Currently I have both. Thanks, I'm trying to sleep or breathe in here, you know!
  • Mark Dygert
    1) Loews (not sure if they are everywhere) has free showings for for kids durring the summer. They also had a serries of mom and me at the theater movies where it was free to get in if you where a mom with a small child/infant.

    As for the rest most of them shut up and get embarrased when you tell them loudly and politely to shut up. Also going out and telling a manager normally gets them to either shut up or tossed out.

    Durring Hitch Hikers Guilde to the Glaxy we ran into a #2 I thnk I even heard him say pwned at one point. After about 20 min my wife who was sitting a few seats down from the guy laughed really loundly in an annoying voice at one of his "jokes" and said "that is way funnier than the movie". Another guy a few rows back picked up on her saracism and said something like "yeah idiot shut up watch the movie". He slouched down in his seat a bit and was quite for a while but then got up and left, a few people aplauded. It looked like he was trying to sneak out by picking a darker scene, but its kind of hard with a full house.
  • JO420
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    JO420 polycounter lvl 18
    reading this thread makes me wanna look into tasers
  • Mark Dygert
    [ QUOTE ]
    My dad has a habit of talking at key scenes, then having to ask what the character just said (usually something important) , because he was talking over the movie... :P

    [/ QUOTE ]

    This is my brothers wife. lucky for us she does only when we get together and watch movies at home. In a theater she is quite.
  • DH_
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    DH_ polycounter lvl 18
    [ QUOTE ]
    [ QUOTE ]

    2. guy who laughs at everything and way too loud,laughs at commercials,music,everything and always way too loud

    [/ QUOTE ]

    Those of use who have seen a movie with Poop know this all too well... laugh.gif

    [/ QUOTE ]

    You know its true when I came in here to say the exact same thing. wink.gif
  • Jes
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    Jes polycounter lvl 18
    [ QUOTE ]
    http://www.werewolves.org/~two/Rants/2rant-babies.mp3

    [/ QUOTE ]I'm surprised how long it took before this one came up... laugh.gif

    2's rants are quite good...
  • pogonip
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    pogonip polycounter lvl 18
    [ QUOTE ]
    http://www.werewolves.org/~two/Rants/2rant-babies.mp3

    [/ QUOTE ]

    That guy is pretty f-ing funny ...LOL
  • JDinges
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    JDinges polycounter lvl 18
    Heh, funny this thread just got started today.

    So today my wife and I decided to go out and see Batman at 3.

    I just want to know what the fuck is wrong with some parents???

    YOU DON'T BRING 4 YEAR OLDS TO SEE A PG13 MOVIE.

    There were 4 sets of single parents there, each having atleast 3 kids with them, one guy had 6 kids. All kids in the ages of 4-10. That movie should not be seen by kids that young. I would never let my son see it unless he's 12+. And then they feel the need to squeel and shit during the intense parts, totaly breaking any concentration we had.

    Not only that but some dumbfuck couple had a 3 month old baby in the back. Again, what the fuck are they thinking. Not that a 3 month old can comprehend the violence but the theater is ear numbingly loud, hurt my own ears. You would think parents would realize that really fucking loud noises for 2+ hours straight is NOT safe for their newborn. Though I have to admit I didn't hear a peep from the baby.

    And then we had the 2 jackasses behind us who kept saying shit like "Man, he got fucked up!" or "Daaammmnn".

    Though despite all that we still enjoyed ourselves, cool movie. I guess it's more of the fact that it was allowed to happen that pisses me off the most.
  • Mark Dygert
    It's Batman its not like its about moral decay of western civilization, and the twisted things that happen!? I for one was shocked not to see dancing bears and Rhinokies.

    The baby was quite because its inner ear burst when the previews started, I bet it fell asleep after that. These are the same parents that will freak out when thier child has problems in school and is labled ADHD because it doesn't listen to teachers.
  • gauss
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    gauss polycounter lvl 18
    i am blessed to say that i have never seen a movie in a theatre and suffered anywhere near this kind of negative experience because of another audience member.


    ...except in austin when i went and saw Dodgeball with a bunch of polycounters, including Poop, but it was at least a very funny movie so him laughing at the top of his lungs wasn't -quite- as disruptive as it might have been otherwise smile.gif
  • PaK
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    PaK polycounter lvl 18
    I have one: Smelly people. You know, the people who fry onions and garlic 5 minsutes before they come to the theatre. Or don't bathe and missed laundry month.

    Gross

    -R
  • kleinluka
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    kleinluka polycounter lvl 18
    I had this really annoying fat woman sitting next to men when I was watching Sin City and she would constantly suck on her lips during the entire movie and create some kind of hissing noise by doing it, kinda like when you drink from a gatorade bottle with that suck-to-drink endpiece.

    I was close to just telling her to SHUT THE FUCK UP but she had a pretty heavy husband with her confused.gifblush.gif
  • TomDunne
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    TomDunne polycounter lvl 18
    [ QUOTE ]
    2) - "Funny" Guy - The guy who has to make "clever" comments all the time and talk to the screen to impress his friends/himself. I came to watch and enjoy the movie, not to listen to your self-centered, attention-whoring ass.

    [/ QUOTE ]

    That's me frown.gif Sorry, everybody!
  • cholden
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    cholden polycounter lvl 18
    HAHA, I went to see Anchorman with Poop, and there were some people around us that got up and left. I was already drunk at that point, so only noticed him as "a little loud" and joined in cause it looked fun.
  • poopinmymouth
  • sonic
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    sonic polycounter lvl 18
    [ QUOTE ]
    HAHA, I went to see Anchorman with Poop, and there were some people around us that got up and left. I was already drunk at that point, so only noticed him as "a little loud" and joined in cause it looked fun.

    [/ QUOTE ]

    hahahahhahahahahahaha!
  • KDR_11k
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    KDR_11k polycounter lvl 18
  • danr
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    danr interpolator
    - kick the back of my seat again, and i will turn around, climb over and start viciously gouging your eyes out

    - you wouldn't laugh out loud at that commercial at home. Why here? WHY? I hate you and all you stand for.

    - look, you and your dear old husband are 80 years old. Why did you think Sin City would be for you? Make less a fuss when you leave after the wolf scene, if you'd be so kind.

    - (gun in face, Jules Winnfield style) unwrap that sweet QUICKLY, motherfucker

    - you see the enormous text displayed before the film? 30 feet by 10? The one that said "please turn off your mobile phone?" What, did you not see it? Hmmm. That was dumb. You should pay more attention, since the film you've paid money to watch is just about to start ... huh? What? Excuse me, did you say you DID see the sign? And your phone rang? ... sorry, i don't have an infinite mind capacity, i can't comprehend that, you'll have to explain it again. Actually, don't bother, i'm just going to gouge you eyes out instead.

    - re kids : My local cinema is actually pretty good, they have a matinee showing called the Big Scream which is specifically for parents with young kids. It's a fine idea, and since it's clearly advertised i haven't seen an infant in a normal showing since it began.
  • Mark Dygert
    [ QUOTE ]
    I have one: Smelly people. You know, the people who fry onions and garlic 5 minsutes before they come to the theatre. Or don't bathe and missed laundry month.

    Gross

    -R

    [/ QUOTE ]

    Or get a big tub of popcorn and proceed to breath thru their mouths while they are chewing. So that wet, popcorn vomit smell waffs around them.
  • cochtl
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    cochtl polycounter lvl 18
    The worst culprits are those retards that actually CALL EACH OTHER IN THE THEATER. I went to go watch the two towers with some friends in houston and it must have been the part of town where the theatre was at, but it was ridiculuous! The theatre was packed so people just had to sit where ever a seat was available. But during the movie people called each other for all kinds of stupid reasons and these people were only a few rowes apart from each other. People would call each other and ask "Hey did you make sure and get me a soda?" or "Dude did you check out that shit"?

    What got me the most was when a guy was getting a call and didn't pick up his phone and his friend who was about 5 or so rowes down (and who was calling him) yelled "hey pick up your fckuing phone" he said "hold on this is a good part of the movie"

    Anyone who complained and told those people to stop only got yelled at, something along the lines of "Man Fcku you bitch i got me a goddamb ticket also so i can do whatever the fcku i want."

    They talked so loud you could hear them across the theatre and only talked louder when the action scenes picked up. And it wasnt one or two people either. it was more like a dozen idiots doing this. we walked out of the movie and people complained at us for getting in their way as we exited the theatre. insane.
  • Marine
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    Marine polycounter lvl 18
    all reasons why i go in the middle of weekdays. my biggest problem is when people sit next to me, i want both arm rests, damn it, there's entire rows free, sit somewhere else.
  • JO420
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    JO420 polycounter lvl 18
    problem is uneducated ass people go see movies,they dont give a rats ass about others and if you tell them anything they get pissed off at the audacity you show for wanting to watch the movie in silence.

    even movies ive watched before that crap pisses me off, everytime i go into a theatre with people like that inside it fill mes with a horrible rage.
  • Neo_God
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    Neo_God polycounter lvl 18
    I too saw Batman Begins yesterday, and there were no real problems. It was quiet, and room was plentiful.

    Last time I had a really bad movie expeirence was Episode 3, first time around. Annoying kids, screaming babies,jack ass teens, the works.

    Though I do have the problem of commenting, I'll usually make 1 or 2 during a movie, but only when commenting seems suitable. Also it depends on how full the theater is. When I saw Resident Evil Apocalypse with a friend. The Theater was empty. So I talked at regular volume with him, during the whole movie.
  • JO420
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    JO420 polycounter lvl 18
    "I'll usually make 1 or 2 during a movie, but only when commenting seems suitable."


    thats why you use the restroom prior to the movie smile.gif
  • sundance
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    sundance polycounter lvl 18
    ^ROFL!

    i usually make real REAL sotto voce comments that even i can barely hear.

    i tend towards going to the earliest screening possible to avoid too many people being in it. but then i also tend to go to saturaday morning/lunchtimes of the opening weekend, so that's a crapshoot.

    the incredibles was the best, i saw that in a screening with me, a 30s ish woman and two kids of about 5-6 and they were little angels, once the trailers came on, they shut up and i never heard a peep from em.
  • KDR_11k
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    KDR_11k polycounter lvl 18
    I never have to put up with idiots because by the time I see a movie it's one week short of being thrown out of the playlist. Means it's just me and sometimes one or two other people.
  • hawken
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    hawken polycounter lvl 19
    I sit at the back row, because people kicking my seat turn me from a mild mannered gent into a rage monster, totally able and willing to tear the culprit limb from limb.

    you should see me drive!

    Most Cinemas in the UK and Japan have these clever things called Signal Blockers.
  • Michael Knubben
    [ QUOTE ]
    My dad has a habit of talking at key scenes, then having to ask what the character just said (usually something important) , because he was talking over the movie... :P

    [/ QUOTE ]
    You just described my friends behaviour, and my personal movie-going pet peeve.
    Not a good combination, that. I usually just end up sitting far away from him.
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