Anxiety, and concept art
Hey everyone!
I know you all arent therapists, but I feel like you've been in this boat before. So bare with me. I’ve been working this great job since April. I love it, my official title is digital artist. I was hired because they liked what I could do as a modeler, and now they have me wearing all types of hats(doing different jobs) and thats fantastic, and i’m forever grateful for this opportunity.
They’ve even had me do a remarkable amount of concept art (something i didn’t know i could do).
Since i began doing this, I’ve started having minor anxiety attacks at work.
it usually goes like this
>we have an idea
>they tell me to create things based off of the idea.
> I get on a roll.
> I’m having a great time, then suddenly self doubt and dread sneak in
> I started hating the work, and myself.
> Breath shortens, Heart quickens, I begin to think, if I fail, this company will fail, and we’ll all die.
> I get up go to the bathroom
>Look in to mirror, don’t scream.
> Sike myself up. “you got this”
>go back out feeling better, present work for critique.
>they either like it or don’t.
>repeat.
I’m doing pretty well with coping with it, but its only began happening recently. Does, this, or something like this happen to you? how do you cope with it?
PS
I hope you’re doing fantastic otherwise. Hows your day been?
Replies
I think you have the right attitude when you say either they like it or they don't, nothing worse than someone getting all upset when the client asks for changes or dismisses a proposal, so unprofessional...
cheers
It really freaks me out sometimes, but I think I'm doing alright.
Some months I cruise along with what should be high stress projects. Other times I have a fairly easy project I've done a 100 times, but I'm really stressed out about it.
A lot of it has to do with what's going on in my daily life. Social life, relationship issues, etc.
I'll tell you what will help - working out. It helps get your brain sorted.
Other than that, meditation and therapy can also be effective.
Experience helps, but like I said, sometimes it just pops up again.
Just do your best not to take it out on anyone else.
The rest is what's called:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dunning–Kruger_effect
And we all suffer from it.
T_T
I wish i could tell you how much it means to me, to know that I'm not alone.
Such a great community.
@Aesir You're right. I was on medication before I got this job, and I stopped shortly after I got the job. It didnt feel like a mistake until recently. I wont make tht mistake again. THank you
@JacqueChoi
This is comforting to know, that someone like you has the same thoughts. Thank you for the support and inspiration buddy.
Edit:
@garcellano
Thanks man. The positivity made my day, thank you.
I think you mean Impostor Syndrome: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Impostor_syndrome
The one you posted is the opposite.
As for this, I think the more comfortable you get with concept work, the less anxiety it'll give you. As an artist, it usually never goes away, only gets a little better, haha. Best of luck, though.
I do believe it will get less stresfful as you get more experienced.
Illusionary superiority in less skilled people. Illusionary inferiority in highly skilled people.
also maybe artists just have their crappiness shown in a visual medium so they are more aware of it.
First of all, congratulations on this career development ! It shows that the people you work for are recognizing your abilities, and that's a fantastic achievement that you can be very proud of.
Now on to the topic of anxiety. I think it is sometimes easy to forget that concept art involves a skillset that is a very, VERY different from the one used for modeling. Of course these tasks are both tackled by artists and it is very possible to wear both hats as you do, but still the cognitive process involved is radically different. Modeling is all about reaching an established target ... while concept art is about establishing that target in the first place.
In a sense being a modeler is a very confortable job, especially if there is a good pipeline in place (polished concept art being provided, with a good review process to check things every step of the way, and so on). On the opposite end of the spectrum, concept art is much more "fleeting" by nature : you sometimes get to deal with requests coming from non-artists, and constantly have to guess what people want and do not want. This involves a totally different mindspace. And then there is the question of adapting to a given style as opposed to being given the opportunity to do things completely on your own.
So at the end of the day I think it is totally normal to be stressed out about it, simply because it is a much, much harder job. Therefore I don't think that the suggestion of "talking to a doctor" or taking meds will help you in any way or form, and could actually be detrimental. I think the key is to rather face the difficulty up front, but not through brute force but rather by developing good strategies. Things like developing moodboards to communicate your vision before even drawing anything, practicing your drawing skills daily, and so on.
Also, think of the path of least resistance and be proactive about it. For instance if you like sketching on paper more than having to wrestle with an unnatural tablet, do that. Heck, nothing prevents you from doing everything on paper if you want to - and chances are, your boss will like it.
Good luck !
(And the day has been great, thanks
I'll be going to the doctor in the next week to get some new medication.
To hear this from all you great artists is beyond encouraging. Thank you so much.
Just because general stress and anxiety is common in artists does not mean you need to live with your anxiety attacks.
I'm seeing a lot of potential dismissiveness in this thread that I suspect just comes from people misunderstanding the possible depth of "anxiety". You hinted at having past problems with this (or perhaps something else, you were vague and fairly so). While I'm sure I'm going on about this, make sure you're in constant communication with your doctor while going off any meds. It's important, they have a better idea of whats "normal" and whats not than a bunch of artists on the internet (no disrespect to any here).
If it feels like it's getting to be way too irrational or too much for your liking, or it begins to interfere with your work, talking to a doctor is a good idea. I don't know why that bit would be detrimental ever, unless it's setting you back a significant amount of money... Even then, though. I dunno. I felt like I needed to post a counterpoint to some of these "this is normal and fine, even good" statements because I've suffered with anxiety for years and that's... exactly what people said to me. I'm not you, @pmiller001 , I don't know what's going on in your head or how deep this goes. Maybe for you, it really is normal and is just new to you. But it would be better to be safe than sorry (and trust me, I know).
Cheers.
I guess my point is just that considering the timing (that is to say, this uneasiness starting precisely with that new hat to wear), then it really all sounds a lot like what one would naturally experience when switching from a confortable job to a completely different one with heavy responsibilities.
Anyways, to the OP : good luck !