Struggling with creativity?
polycounter lvl 10
I hope this doesn't sound like too much of a sob story, but I seem to be going through a bit of a "crisis" I'll call it, and I needed to write it down.
My question is: Have you ever struggled creatively, and wondered if you've chosen the right career path?
I have a job as an environment artist currently, for a very small indie team, and I work from home. It's good overall, and I'm thankful for it, truly. I've been busy working for a mobile racing game for over a year, and overall I've enjoyed it.
However....
It came to a point several months ago where I longed for something more challenging. It can get pretty lonely working from home too, and there's a nagging sense of guilt associated with it that I didn't expect; which comes mainly from the fact that I know I should be working, because I know that I always can, if that makes sense.
Anyway, I can't escape the feeling that I've been left behind, so to speak. Several weeks ago, after viewing the work of a few friends on facebook, I decided to try and model something high res and bake the normals to a game mesh to be presented in marmoset 2.0.
I decided to model my drum kit. It's going very slowly though. I soon lose patience, and I find myself growing increasingly intolerant when things don't go right. I know what's required, but I just seem to struggle much more now.
I think the lack of challenge I get from my job has caused my skills to stagnate, and I'm desperate to catch up again, hence why I rush, make mistakes, and eventually lose patience. Or perhaps it's peer pressure, a voice inside telling me "that's where you should be at!".
It's strange, but since I've been in the games industry, I feel more like an outsider than I did before I even got a job!
I know for sure that I'm a creative person, but I glance back through my portfolio with a sense of disappointment. Mainly at the fact that I don't feel as though I've improved. On the contrary, I feel as though I've lost something, which is pretty painful for me.
I just wanted to get your thoughts on it, and wondered if anyone else has ever been in a similar situation.
Again, sorry if it sounds like I'm whining. Been floating around my head for a while now, and I just needed to say it.
Thanks for reading
My question is: Have you ever struggled creatively, and wondered if you've chosen the right career path?
I have a job as an environment artist currently, for a very small indie team, and I work from home. It's good overall, and I'm thankful for it, truly. I've been busy working for a mobile racing game for over a year, and overall I've enjoyed it.
However....
It came to a point several months ago where I longed for something more challenging. It can get pretty lonely working from home too, and there's a nagging sense of guilt associated with it that I didn't expect; which comes mainly from the fact that I know I should be working, because I know that I always can, if that makes sense.
Anyway, I can't escape the feeling that I've been left behind, so to speak. Several weeks ago, after viewing the work of a few friends on facebook, I decided to try and model something high res and bake the normals to a game mesh to be presented in marmoset 2.0.
I decided to model my drum kit. It's going very slowly though. I soon lose patience, and I find myself growing increasingly intolerant when things don't go right. I know what's required, but I just seem to struggle much more now.
I think the lack of challenge I get from my job has caused my skills to stagnate, and I'm desperate to catch up again, hence why I rush, make mistakes, and eventually lose patience. Or perhaps it's peer pressure, a voice inside telling me "that's where you should be at!".
It's strange, but since I've been in the games industry, I feel more like an outsider than I did before I even got a job!
I know for sure that I'm a creative person, but I glance back through my portfolio with a sense of disappointment. Mainly at the fact that I don't feel as though I've improved. On the contrary, I feel as though I've lost something, which is pretty painful for me.
I just wanted to get your thoughts on it, and wondered if anyone else has ever been in a similar situation.
Again, sorry if it sounds like I'm whining. Been floating around my head for a while now, and I just needed to say it.
Thanks for reading
Replies
Well, sound to me like you have improved.
Might be your actual skills are hanging behind a bit, but as long as you are able to see that, there's only one person holding you back.
If you're feeling left behind then maybe it's because there's no one next to you where you can ask a question? There's only a certain amount you can learn from working remotely. And it's maybe, you're not getting enough questions on what you think about taking a route - creatively.
As for learning something, throw as much shit at it as possible and as fast as possible, some will stick. Treat yourself as an asset. By doing the same things again, means that you have great staying power, and have improved in what you do until it becomes second nature, like riding a bike. Once you know how to ride a bike, you'll want to drive a car.
Good luck.
re losing you skills, I found that after getting a job in games that maybe my skill level overall was not as high bit looking back working professionally does bring your skills up by osmosis.
maybe just do more personal projects and distance yourself from the work environment a little
Thanks Target_Renegade, yeah that's a really good point. My lack of interaction with others definitely has a negative impact, perhaps the biggest drawback of working remotely. As for activities, they are pretty much non-existent, particularly with other artists.
That's a great idea
I'll really try and do what you suggest.
Thanks guys, means a lot
As people get older, it's all a roller coaster ride with much decline. When you are young, you don't necessary think about anything. You live purely on passion, interest, and curiosity. As you near teenage years and adulthood. All of that ceases to exist because you are asked to constantly remind yourself of where you are, who you are with, and how you are to be, as well as... what you are to do (in a politically correct stance).
At the end of the day, it doesn't matter what you want to do. What only matters, is the fact if you actually did anything you wanted to, or not.
The things you do that have no explanation or reason. Are usually the things that you will find day to day are as genuine as you are. The art and creativity you seek is not going to find itself to you. If all you are doing is talking to yourself constantly about if what you are about to do is right or isn't right.
Just live, stop thinking, and just do.:\
Sometimes when I don't feel like doing anything art related, I take a look at some of the screenshots of some assets I made to show to my teammates and it leads to me wanting to out-perform myself because I know I could do a better job the next time.
Additionally, it's important to also spend time creating things that interest you, things that don't have to be work related. If you like making dragons, then make some dragons!
I just did this, this week and i am glad i am sort of jumping around (granted my attention is not on one thing) alone but i can give what i want to give my time and attention and have two projects working towards the completion goal.
If i work on one more than the other then that is the one i should finish, might not work for everyone but it works for me most of the times, other times it means I need to get out and try to look for something interesting to do apart from Art.
This has been mentioned countless times but as long as you keep a lingering thought about art while your out you'll find situations or objects/environments that spark your interest again and you'll be excited to get back into it.
Not going to lie though i start missing working on my 3D and just stepping out starts the fire again cause i am not in front of my pc doing it and when i am out the itch comes on strong.
^Has been said but perhaps something i mention helps, I get that all the time man, fight the good fight.
Sometimes it is good to just model something or whatever you enjoy most about this 3D stuff, texture unwrapping do it, just do it. Then come back to your new project, some say fight though it and you'll be happy you did, sometimes that is true other times i feel like crap sitting there just getting worse, so it happens man.
Btw, couple of threads like this also.
Thanks Matt, yes that makes a lot of sense. I do tend to over-think a lot, which does get in the way of creating stuff. I think I've been beating myself up too much. I've always found my internal critic to be vital, but perhaps he's getting a bit unruly!
Thanks man, yeah that's a good point! After having such restricted platform constraints with work, I kinda wanted to prove to myself that I could still produce something nice and up-to-date very quickly, but that wasn't the case it seems. I didn't really approach it realistically. I'll take my time and just try and complete something. Thanks
Yes, this is a really good idea. Focusing on several simpler assets would really help I think. I'll give it a try
Sounds brilliant. Hopefully I'll be able to rekindle that feeling
Thanks again for your thought guys, I really appreciate it
you keep chipping away and it tends to pass.
Idleness is the death of creativity keep moving creating, thinking and doing.
Thanks Dustin, yeah that sounds great. I've always had a nagging guilt with the whole thing. I think I felt that if I didn't give the work my full attention, it'd suffer for it. But I guess the work would actually benefit if I allowed myself time to work separately on my own projects.
Thanks ExcessiveZero, those are good points!
nothing like the green folding stuff to motivate a chap
Here recently, I took a 3-6 month long contract job doing graphic design work on site, just to get out of the house. I didnt need to take it from a financial stand point, but more to just be around people again. I never took into account that being isolated locked up in a room working on art could make me weirder than I already am...but it did! It's not necessarily a bad thing, but I honestly just missed being around people. And I really hate that feeling of being in a social situation and I just go into my shell just because I'm so use to keeping to myself now. I'm normally a pretty social dude, so it was a very annoying feeling.
In regards to losing that creative touch, I think we've all been there at some point. In my case, I found myself pressing way too hard. I forgot why I like to create art to begin with, instead I found myself creating stuff to get a job. That was my own personal failure to recognize this at the time, but looking back on it I can see it clearly. Also, I recognized that there was this hump that I couldn't get over with my work. I decided to take a digital figure sculpting class with Scott Eaton, to keep pushing forward. I also reached out to a character artist on this board that I really admire and respect for crits on my work and he was generous enough to rip it to shreds. I know by reaching out more and by taking this class it will help with the creative process down the road. Sorry I'm not able to give you any specific pointers or real solid advice like others have given, but just thought by sharing my own personal struggles that it might help you identify yours better. Whatever you do, good luck and just try to remain focused!
It may sound like a cliche, but just go out and have some fun.
You can't force creativity. Infact, trying to force it will only lead to more frustration.
Having fun 2 hours a day, will make the other 22 hours way more productive.
Try branching out, and learn new stuff. You are already at a point where you have job, and can probably afford stuff like traveling, photography, or what not.
Take advantage of that.
NyneDown, I can fully relate to that man. When I first landed it, I considered it a dream job. I could just pick the hours I wanted, and I only needed to travel a few feet to get to work. Although trying to keep the creative juices flowing while there's no one around to ask questions, work or communicate with is very difficult it seems. I guess it was bound to take it's toll on me. A few of my friends have told me that I'm lucky that I can work from home, but they don't realize just how mentally taxing it can be after a while.
I think I took a naive view towards it if I'm honest. I was kinda convincing myself that the work is the most important, and the more effort I put in, the more I'll get out of it, which I suppose is true, but in doing so, I sacrificed my own projects, that I needed in order to grow and learn. Which eventually caused the work to suffer because I wasn't learning anything. So what I think I've learned from this that it's just as important to do stuff for myself. At least when working remotely.
Yeah I hear that. I think the problem with me is that I felt as though I was working to gain acceptance, in a way. I felt as though I was lagging behind the current generation, and when I saw what others were making, I said to myself "right, I'm gonna show them that I can do that too!". Well, it didn't work out as easily as I thought, and more crucially, I wasn't trying to create it for the right reasons. I should've been creating it for me - no one else. I was so focused on reaching a certain point, that I wasn't paying attention to what was in front of me.
Yeah all good points, thanks man
Guys, just wanted to say that you've really helped me to see things clearer. Dare I say that I do feel like I've been reinvigorated over the past couple of days
Thanks again for all your help!
I didnt realize what I wrote up above looked like a wall of text until just now...haha, my bad! But definitely, create art for yourself and I think everything else will naturally fall into place.
I'm struggling with the same thing, but in my case I am also nearly out of money and haven't been able to find even a part time non-art related job.
I have also been suffering from panic/anxiety attacks as well as the feeling of being left behind and cut off from the world as I have been working from the apartment or a shared studio i was renting for awhile.
This past week, I havent gotten much drawing done as well as dealing with a skin infection on the left side of my face which crept up over the weekend (on antibiotics)
It's depressing, but I know that some how I will suffer through it.
Five years of doing nothing but pursuing Illustration, going to school and caring for my mother in her last year of life, has not helped my marketability.
However, one thing does help and that is getting out of the apartment and going for a 45 minute walk. I live in a town of 20k people. It's a mixture of sub-urban and farm lots for a local grocer. Very peaceful.
It helps.
I also have been reading, drinking more water and eating less, in order to gain more control over my overall health.
While all this is going on, I decided to make an Art Goal to be completed by the end of the year. Something manageable.
Yes we all suffer from lack or doubt of creativity, as it's too late for me to go back and retrain as something more secure, I have no choice but to soldier onward.
Good luck.
Sorry to hear that Katana, that sounds really rough.
Yeah I've been going for walks more now too. Does wonders just to get out for a bit of fresh air
Yeah those are all good points. I'm still not there on the diet front yet though, everything's too easy and accessible
One important thing that I've learned recently is to not beat myself up too much. I've always had a knack for being too self-critical I think. Especially where my work's concerned. It's useful to an extent, but there can come a point where it can become destructive. I guess it's all about recognizing when it's practical and when it's not I suppose.
Good luck with the art goal